A few years back, roughly around the same time of the year, I was interrupted by Raju, my office boy, who while looking at the official leave calendar expressed great shock when he found that Valentine’s Day was not declared as an official holiday. I looked up, sympathised with my startled man Friday and gave him a V-day stipend. Unfortunately, he was not engaged in any romantic relationship at the time and chose to spend the day with me at the office. I remain puzzled on how he would have celebrated the most sugar coated day in the history of modern urban love, had he been in love with someone. He is now married and informs that all days of the year are opportunities to celebrate love and his wife. True? I think not!
Personally, Valentine’s was the day when the beautiful people of my school roamed around with mixed tapes flirting with the idea of love and togetherness while the nerds with average hairstyles waited for the day to get over! Eventually I came to recognize the day as one when everyone (in love) got to feel beautiful. I don’t think there is anything further from the reality of love, than my opinion, considering I grew up on the candy floss love promoted by 90s Indian pop and sweet nothings shared by Shahrukh and Kajol, that they shamelessly endorsed even in their latest flick.
My argument that an entire generation (mine!) was fed superficial ideas (and lies) about love can be substantiated by an array of dreamy songs. The fact that DDLJ (a film that earned millions of hearts in the 90s) was used to promote the remarkably average Dilwale (2015)! Even the new Cornetto Advert featuring Alia Bhat seems to be old wine in a new bottle, the kinds that anyone would abhor.
Instead (or besides) making a list of V-Day gifts for your partner, consider the following pocket-friendly options (read clichés) that will have them remember you as a beautiful person, than just a partner with gift options.
- VANILLA – Pledge to keep your relationship as simple as possible.
Studies have proven that keeping it simple elevates your position from being stupid to smart. Getting others involved in the intimate bond you share with your partner can result in unwanted vagaries for your peace of mind.
2. AMITY – Remain friends, come what may.
One should be committed to take care of the basket when they put all their eggs in one. First among friends (sad reference to Rahul’s ‘Pyaar dosti hai’ remark) is something that compounds love manifold and can be used in testing times for a relationship. Strive to become one in thought and action to experience the snowballing of love for each other and reach the point of awesomeness. Holding hands works. Always.
3. LANGUAGE – Stay clear of bad words.
It is difficult to impress anyone when you’re a potty mouth. Give your partner the privilege of being with someone who thinks before they speak and in no circumstances chooses to go astray from the dignity of love for it is preceded by mutual respect. Even if it is just habit, spit the bad words out before you choose to commit and love.
4. ENGAGE – Communicate freely.
The happiest have the healthiest communication with their partners. After all, one chooses to become the proverbial two when they see a person who can be easily communicated with. Stonewalling your partner’s thoughts can create a vacuum in their hearts that will be difficult for them to fill, leaving partners dissatisfied and longing for something more. A constant engagement with each other can help couples reach the very nucleus of their joint happiness.
5. TRUST- the only other member in your team.
Relationships are exactly like teams. One weak link and others suffer, sometimes humiliatingly. The easiest relationships are only those where partners trust one another with their lives. It may be a lot to ask but once in the habit of trusting, partners seamlessly progress towards culminating different phases of a relationship into happiness and glory!
6. NEST – build that ‘something’ together.
While looking forward to the best, the wise prepare for the worst. Knitting a nest of memories and moments shared with the special one sparing some time every now and then to reminisce about your joint past may help create a bond that will rubbish many insecurities that couples go through.
7. ENJOY – share positivity.
Nothing kills a relationship than the lack of positivity in a relationship. This appears true for all kinds of bonds. Having a partner with constant negative thoughts can render the other with very less to gain. Do your partners a favour and avoid brooding and wallowing even when you’re not in the mood. Spare a thought for your special one who struts towards you to share their day’s most important moments with you!
February has always rhymed with strawberry and has looked like a beautiful month with its peculiarity of fewer days reminding us of the uncertainty of the peace in our lives. It is not much to expect those blessed with love to make the most of their relationship on a day dedicated to love by resolving to give your partner a great first day for the rest of the year. It is definitely not asking for too much when one expects those in love deliver on what seems to be the global anniversary of alliances of the heart.
Santosh Kumar is a law graduate who works for an NGO in Delhi. He can be reached at [email protected]